50. Birthday month!

I started writing this post at the start of Feb, but the month has just flown by and I'm only just finishing it now......

Wow! I cant believe I've done 50 posts!

I started this blog over a year ago for 3 main reasons.

1. To mind dump all my feelings so they weren't stuck in my head stressing me out

2. Record my journey through my cancer treatment and for it to be of help to people going through the same thing

3. Hopefully inspire a few!

I haven't really updated it for a while, as my mind hasn't been in the most happiest of places and I didn't want to bring anyone down.

But life is full of up and downs and I need to learn to share the downs with people. They aren't burdens and they aren't a bad thing (Can you tell I've started counselling again!).

Anyway, to summarise January, it was my 39th birthday in the middle of the month and I had a fantastic day.

I went and got my ear pierced, done my first escape room, had all you can eat Chinese (for free) and drinks!

The escape room was with a mixture of friends, that have never met before, so at first I was concerned about people getting along. But luckily every gelled quite quickly and we mastered that escape room with just 1.5mins to spare!

Our proud moment of achievement!

The Chinese restaurant we went to offers a free meal if its your birthday, so that was a bonus! Then drinks later that evening starter in a lovely place (albeit a bit expensive) then off to a cheap pub for more cocktails!

So all in all a lovely birthday!

Also during the month I had another call from an Oncologist. I had the appointment turn up in the post, but no real explanation why it was needed. The gentleman that rang me was not English, and I have trouble understanding people on the phone at the best of times, so when he rang I really did struggle. It didn't help that I was exhausted that day and had fallen asleep missing our actual appointment time.

So I assumed the call was just a general check up, but I didn't really ask any questions as I couldn't understand him.

The Trials nurses were also meant to be on the call, but weren't. I later range the Trial helpline number to see what was going on, and the 2 ladies I normally deal with were off sick.

I'm sure they wanted bloods and maybe a scan after the first year, but I spoke to someone else in that team and they said its 2 years. So I'm none the wiser. I will try and ring them again soon to find out exactly what is going on.

Myself in general, the fatigue has been getting to me. Whereas my Chronic fatigue I could pace myself and manage it. This is just constant. I will be fine taking it easy doing my normal thing, then BAM! Out of no where I cant keep my eyes open. I've been getting tired and frustrated like a toddler, I've thrown things cause It's stressed me out then start crying because if my out burst. I just don't know what to do with myself.

It's easy for people to say "Go for a walk" "Take a break" "Do this/that" but it doesn't seem to work. I'm trying not to nap as much, but when you can't keep your eyes open and you just fall asleep, there isn't a lot I can do!

The tiredness is also effecting my memory. I nearly messed up Dan's birthday meal as I forgot to tell his friends I had to change the day of it. Again, that stressed me out and I ended up in tears. I felt so stupid.

I've also been getting a lot of pain in my boob again, all to do with the Lymphedema. So I'm constantly massaging it to try and get any fluid build up moving again.

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/treatments-and-drugs/radiotherapy-for-breast-cancer

https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/treatment/side-effects/fatigue/fatigue-pdq#:~:text=After%20radiation%20therapy%20begins%2C%20fatigue,or%20years%20after%20treatment%20ends.

So, to carry this on 20 days after starting this post....

My boob still hurts, life feels a bit manic, work has been stressful and I could do with a holiday laying on the beach somewhere as the weather has been crap.

I've had a few counselling sessions now which have sort have been helping but there is still that niggling thing in the back of my mind that won't go away.

It's not helped by how painful my coccyx has been. It's proper draining.

Spoke to the doctors about it and they have just given me some Naproxen but that doesn't seem to be helping much.

I actually had acupuncture in it and that eased the pain, but one day sat at my desk and it's back again.

Let's hope it goes away soon.

Anyway, I need to get writing these again more often, when I get the time!!