54. 1 Year Update

Its been a Year since i finished treatment, and i'm not sure where that year has gone! It's been a while since i've written anything so I thought I would update you on the last 5 months.

It has been a difficult 5 months in the respect of my emotions. Most days i'm not sure if i'm coming or going.

Stress at work was very high, so in July I started a new role in a new company which has helped massively, but 2 months in something still isnt quite right emotionally.

Cancer seems as common as the cold nowadays, which is just horrible. I always think of how lucky I was with my treatment when you hear the stories of other peoples journeys. I also forget some days what I actually went through, but it comes back with a bump when I hear of people I am friendly with being diagnosed with some form of cancer.

I love being able to support people through their journey, but it does take you back to what I went through, even if it was quite a smooth 6 months.

To those people who have recently been diagnosed, I wish you all the best and feel free to make contact with me anytime you need to talk. The doctors and nurses are great, but until you have actually been through it and faced all the emotions and uncertainty, they will never really know.

Anyway, like I said, one of the things that I have been struggling with is my emotions. Its so hard to explain as I feel anxious, depressed, exhausted, happy, sad, frustrated and grumpy all at the same time and without any real reason.

A few months ago, overnight my libido just disappeared. Which is causing a strain on my relationship, this then causes me more frustration and upset.

I've been to the doctors and had blood tests done and nothing there to report.

With my lack of regular periods and all the other symptoms they did mention it could be early menopause, this can be a side effect of chemo. I had to speak to the Breast Care Team and the Oncologist to see if I could go onto HRT. They said I could by only for a maximum of a year as it can increase the risk of cancer coming back. Not a massive increase, but it's still a risk. So that's out of the question.

This means I've just gotta try and get round these issues in other ways, and at the moment I really don't have the effort to do anything.

I have started going to yoga every week and I really want to lose weight. But with the lack of energy doing any more exercise is hard work. Also, if I am going through the early menopause this will make loosing weight more difficult.

So I will just have to do what I can do.

One thing I have decided to do it make our spare room into a relaxation/meditation room. A place where I can take myself to get away from everything that isn't the bedroom, as I know I spend far too much time in just sat in bed.

I've picked my paint and done a design. Just now have to get it done!

I'm also trying to get back to my crocheting as that did help me during my treatment. It's a mindfulness exercise for me.

Just need some ideas on what to do, so ideas on a postcard please!!

With the darker nights and winter approaching I am concerned of SAD. So I do have to ensure I'm getting out and getting into the daylight when I can.

Let's see how things go and I'll update again soon.

Cheers